Love has won... or has it?

The Cult of Mother God docuseries kind of sums it all up for me.

As many of you know, I’m inherently skeptical of those that claim to be a divine authority on earth: the gurus, the reincarnated prophets, the starseeds, and so on. This is doubly true if they have a YouTube channel through which they disseminate their “downloads” and “star language” and “activation codes”— raising money and selling merch along the way, of course.

It’s not that I don’t believe in many of these phenomenon in theory— after all, I am a working shaman and full-time weirdo. I’m also not against a fellow woo practitioner making an honest living, selling services or products that they believe in.

It’s just that every individual I see intentionally stepping into the role of “Spiritual Leader” to tell others what to think, what to believe, how to live, and so on… well, they’re never not a hot mess express.

Inevitably, their personal life is a disaster. They are a giant bundle of unhealed trauma and Cluster B Personality Disorders. They are out of sync with abundance, with the “real world”, and struggle in their interpersonal relationships with others. They are overwhelmingly energetically banged up, and frequently engage in predatory behaviors, exploiting others emotionally, energetically, sexually and financially.

They do not, as it were, practice what they preach.

And that really chaps my ass.

And the three-part HBO documentary series called Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God presents the ultimate case study that proves out all of my black-pilled suspicion of many in my own line of work.

Love Has Won provides an unparalleled line of sight into “how the sausage gets made” in the Wild West of the “business of woo”— replete with every New Age cliche possible.

And guess what? It’s not a pretty picture. In fact, the Love Has Won docuseries kind of really, truly and deeply bummed me out. The series masterfully exemplifies everything I loathe and get up on my soapbox about when it comes to the spiritual development “industry”, offering an invaluable framework through which to filter the noise in this golden age of cults:

Wounded inner child + false spiritual healer

Credit where credit is due: I saw that Laura Matsue posted something that articulates the Wounded Inner Child + False Spiritual Persona phenomenon better than I ever could. In her IG post, Laura explained:

“There are many people with a wounded inner child who decide to identify with a new ‘spiritual identity’ to mask their pain. The new ‘spiritual identity’ is seen as a ‘savior’ to that wounded inner child. The wounded child creates a fantasy self to save them in the form of their new idealized spiritual self. Perhaps they now identify as a ‘Starseed’, ‘Ascended Master’, or claim they now live in ‘5d’, but meanwhile, unconsciously, this need to be seen a ‘special’ is being driven by childhood trauma where their light wasn’t seen or acknowledged.

Then, later in life, there is a deep unresolved developmental need for the wounded inner child to adapt later a ‘special identity’ where they hope others will recognize them as special in the way their early caregivers didn’t.

The problem with this is both the wounded inner child and the false spiritual self end up cut off from the true self. It’s the compensation to avoid the truth.

The wounded inner child’s alliance with a new, shiny but false spiritual identity is the basis of a lot of the spiritual materialism/ bypassing we see in the world.”

I honestly couldn’t have said it better myself. And this archetype is on full display with the Mother God cult and many, many other New Age movements that hold up a “more-than-human” guru.

In the case of the Love Has Won docuseries, Amy Carlson actually claimed to be god. Like, literally. And this false spiritual healer identity was 100% designed to cover up her wounded inner child: early childhood abuse, eating disorders, alcoholism, and then the later abrupt abandonment of her own five children and multiple spouses and family members.

Instead of going to therapy, getting real with herself, committing to sobriety, addressing her disordered eating, and perhaps just generally bearing witness to the hard truths of her own life, Amy went full crystal hippy crazy.

And she could bypass all of the real work in front of her by becoming a false spiritual healer because other people— both in-person and on the internet— affirmed her delusions and fed off of the fantasyland hopium she trafficked in. Like her, they wanted to ascend 3D and go to Lala Land, a vague destination seemingly somewhere in the Pleiades.

To her followers, Amy’s alcohol intake was crucial “medicine” that she needed to transmute the negativity of all of the low vibration humans on the planet. You know: it’s our fault she drinks vodka all day long. Her tiny frame wasn’t the result of starvation but, rather, was proof that food is low vibration and can interfere with spiritual ascension.

And so on.

There was always a perfect spiritual excuse for what was actually an unhealthy pathology, compulsion or addiction.

When watching the docuseries, I was also constantly struck by how childlike both Amy and her followers were. And this isn’t a criticism of being playful or joyful as adults— of course we should be having fun and enjoying our lives. Rather, the behavior featured in the series struck me as overtly regressive and infantilized, literally the furthest thing from ascending or evolving in any productive direction.

The overwhelming bond between Mother God and her acolytes was one of hitting the eject button on reality, spending all of their time playing make believe, dressing up like fairies and claiming to be in contact with Robin Williams— who, according to Amy, was the captain of her personal galactic fleet.

Key takeaway #1: Real deal or wounded inner child?

When scrolling through social media, diving into weirdo rabbit holes or evaluating potential practitioners with whom to work as a client, pay close attention to how rooted and grounded in reality the “expert” in question seems— as well as how healed and integrated they really are.

A few quick assessment questions can reveal useful intel:

• Have they recently and/or suddenly embraced a new persona as a healer or practitioner? Did they effectively abandon their previous life and/or relationships? Do they dress differently? Speak differently?

• Are they now a starseed or hybrid or ascended master or demigod? Or do they proudly state their status as a regular old human having a human experience?

• Do they use a new name or “language” that indicates their specialness? Do they claim to have “light language” or “star codes” or the ability to “activate [your] DNA”? Big. F*cking. Red. Flag.

• Do they have real relationships that are not rooted in their spiritual specialness? Like, a husband that isn’t a follower or client or core part of their business? Friends that they didn’t meet in the YouTube comments section? Contact with regular life people that don’t give a shit about their angelic resonance?

• What trainings, certifications, or new skills have they sought in their field of choice? Do they take their continued education as a healer or practitioner seriously? How long have they been doing this work? What do their actual clients say about the return on investment from working with them?

• Is there an intense need to be seen and loved and affirmed? Do they spend a healthy amount of time offline, doing real work or simply being a person? Or is their whole life fodder for social media, converted constantly into “content” and commoditized into currency?

The overwhelming majority of legit spiritual healers and practitioners can outline a slow, deliberate and intentional journey to their current healing practice, indicating that their work isn’t just a phase, a curiosity or worse— a pathological manifestation of their break with reality.

We also seek out normal interactions and activities, relieved to not always feel the burden of being psychic or different when we’re not on the clock. Literally nothing better in the world than watching Vanderpump Rules while cooking dinner.

Just saying.

The myth of ascension— a new “heaven”

The whole doctrine of the Mother God cult centered around the concept of ascension: an overly used (and often completely misunderstood) trope permeating the New Age and spiritual communities at the moment.

Trust me when I tell you: Mother God was not the only one claiming to know how to ascend to higher dimensions, transcending this “3D reality” which is, you know, actual reality. You might be shocked to learn that there are literally tens of thousands of gurus, leaders, psychics and practitioners claiming to know just how we can slip the noose of our physical meat sacks and escape this “prison planet” for higher planes of existence.

Read that again.

Tens of thousands of bullshit artists are selling this ascension nonsense.

Why? Well, because it’s easy money with minimal risk in a completely unregulated industry.

And many of these BS artists just decided that they were going to become spiritual practitioners five minutes ago. You know. Because the economy is tough and whatever their real business or career was, this whole selling invisible nonsense racket seemed like a better and easier option.

What’s more: it fed their pathological need to be special, or in control, or seen as an authority figure.

Kind of a perfect deal for a covert narcissist having a tough time making an honest living in a tough economy

In the Love Has Won docuseries, however, the myth of ascension was called into actual question as the cameras were filming. Spoiler Alert: during filming, Amy dies of a combination of anorexia, alcoholism and colloidal silver poisoning at the age of 45. Instead of her followers treating this like a major wake-up call from their delusional ascension fever dream, they drive around for weeks with her mummified body wrapped in a sleeping bag and Christmas lights trying to find the galactic fleet that was supposed to, quite literally, beam her up.

Yah. I almost threw up several times watching this on the screen. There’s just something about a rotting, mummified corpse being handled and touched and transported all around the country (they covered at least five states on their travels) that turns my stomach.

But the cult members weren’t deterred or dismayed or grossed out like I was.

Rather, they seemingly couldn’t accept the objective reality that was puncturing their bubble of collective delusion and, instead, insisted on explaining away Amy’s physical corpse via a series of HARD COPES.

You see: her ascension to 5D happened, but it was just different than they thought.

Kind of like….her soul went to heaven and her body stayed here.

Sound familiar? Yah. It’s called Christianity.

*Long Sigh*

Key takeaway: Promising the impossible (and immeasurable)?

Ascension isn’t a new concept. In fact, the early proto-medieval Catholic Church kind of innovated it, calling it “heaven”. In this way, the Church could promise release from worldly suffering, creating a very enticing product in the spiritual marketplace.

The best part? There’s no testing out this product ahead of death. There is no way to prove that it exists— or doesn’t exist. And, because of this, no one can call you out on your bullshit.

What’s more: everyone wants it to be true. And where there is desire…there is a captive, sticky audience.

The new version of heaven, dubbed “ascension”, is no different. When you’re evaluating the efficacy or legitimacy of a practitioner, thought leader or “expert”, ask yourself a few questions:

• Is there anyway to tangibly measure the success of a practitioner’s services or products? Quantitative performance metrics? Do the practitioners themselves seem happy, healthy and whole? Are they successful in any way outside of YouTube superchats or Instagram donations?

• Does the practitioner always “channel” information from fantastical ascended beings like Green Tara or Mary Magdalene? Or does the practitioner consider him or herself to be the reincarnated version of a famous historical or spiritual figure, like Cleopatra or St. Germain? Yah. Big. Red. Flag.

• Are the benefits of the service or product (or content) focused on the here and now, or is it all about deferred benefits in the proverbial “afterlife”? Do their clients and customers seem better, clearer and more empowered after their experience?

• What happens if their promises of ascension or contact or activation do not come to fruition? Are they accountable in any way? Will they refund you or apologize? Will they revisit and potentially redesign their offering?

I’m personally a big fan of the concept of deliverance: the spiritual salvation, healing and relief that comes to the living here on planet earth. I’m such a fan of things getting done in the here and now, in fact, that I have the I Ching symbol for deliverance tattooed on my left wrist, a constant reminder that I’m here to do additive work on planet earth— not in some far flung constellation via another timeline.

Spiritual narcissism and entities

I really, really don’t like narcissists.

Almost nothing triggers me as much as one of these gurus or bullshit artists exercising their coercive psychological control over others.

This extreme aversion is likely due in large part to the fact that I grew up with a malignant narcissist in my immediate family. This loomed so large that I actually got a degree in Criminal Psychology with a focus on Cluster B pathologies and, in particular, “paraphilic offenders"— i.e. sexually motivated criminal psychopathy.

You could say that I’m perhaps unusually fixated on the narcissistic phenomenon, but it doesn’t mean I’m wrong when my spidey senses start tingling.

Remember: if you spot it, you got it.

Mother God really tripped my narcissist tripwires, demonstrating every cliche behavior of covert, spiritual narcissism:

• Lack of empathy for others: Amy seemed to be exceptionally good at disposing of people that didn’t fit her narrative anymore. This included her five children, whom she literally and suddenly abandoned so that she could go find people that would tell her she was special. Later, she would drag her cult followers from state to state, demanding cool new stuff like a hot tub or a special bedroom and quite literally never, ever asking any of them what they needed from her. She could care less that her followers left their own families and young children, never mind their former professions, creature comforts, or senses of self. This is NOT normal behavior, and a pronounced lack of empathy for other humans is NOT a sign of spiritual transcendence. I doubt there’s any being in all of the multiverse that is legitimately above caring for and about others.

• Insatiable appetites: Man, Mother God sure did like money, stuff, drugs and sex. Narcissists have almost no “inner life”, meaning that they don’t have a strong sense of self or inner monologue. Because of this, they have a hard time feeling emotions deeply and attempt to replicate this more meaningful experience with the sensations that come with substances, consumerism and sex. In many ways, this is the only way they can feel anything, and without this sensory noise they start to panic that they don’t really exist at all.

• Constant victim status: The docuseries highlights several vignettes of Amy blaming the lack of energy, money and support from her online followers with her obvious illness— instead of acknowledging that she was in the late stages of alcohol-induced liver failure. Everything was everyone else’s fault. She took 0% accountability for anything in her life, especially her illness. And her followers indulged this ad nauseam, spending years carrying her from room to room, bathing her and feeding her a steady stream of vodka on demand— nodding along with the insistence that it was “medicine”.

• Pathological need for affirmation: Mother God loved attention, especially when it came from men or via social media comments and followers. Now, if you’re actually an ascended being with tremendous spiritual insight, would you really give a shit about something as banal and stupid as social media followers? Which weird cult guy wanted to bang you? Yah, I don’t think so. It seems that all spiritual narcissists— from Keith Raniere to Bikram to Mother God— desperately needed and constantly craved the affection, adoration and downright worship of others.

What’s more: I think Amy had a few entities lurking around. First, these energetic parasites love addiction: it makes the human vessel more spiritually and physically vulnerable to their influence. They also like to sidle up to narcissists, particularly when those narcissists have influence— especially spiritual influence— over others.

The docuseries highlights several vignettes of Amy drunkenly screaming at her followers, insulting them and even withholding food from them as punishment for their perceived crimes. In these scenes, her voice, face and whole manner is utterly unlike her, indicating that there was a little something lurking about and exerting its influence.

I mean, it’s even possible that something nefarious presented itself to her as Robin Williams or one of these other beings she claimed to have contact with, and the combination of her ego and her addiction resulted in her accepting this communication on its face— instead of remaining humble, skeptical, and sussing it out before running with it.

Love is not enough

I know it sounds harsh, but it’s important to remember that love is actually not always enough. It’s a beautiful sentiment and, in spirit, reflects a lot of spiritual truth…but it’s just not the whole picture here on planet earth.

When navigating the spiritual landscape, I would ask anyone reading this to please resist the urge to indulge in toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing.

I know that life is hard and times are tough, but no amount of hopium is going to help you get out of a hole or better yourself. To the contrary, it could lead you down a long and winding path away from yourself— and from your ability to problem-solve, build something meaningful, or care for yourself and those that matter the most to you.

Love, energy, spirit, and intention are all magical and important, but they are only part of the spiritual equation. Work, effort, objectivity, honesty and accountability are necessary elements for personal growth, too.

Oh— and don’t forget skepticism. We need that and our intuition if we’re going to make it out of this labyrinth intact.

I mean, I’ve never yelled at the television more than when I was watching this docuseries. For years, I’ve been surrounded by Mother God types, formerly totally cool and productive members of the woo community that just take a hard right out of coherence and accountability and into LaLa Land. It’s sad. It’s angering. It reflects poorly on those of us that choose to have discipline and conduct ourselves and our spiritual practices ethically.

And, worst of all, it creates a din of noise that obscures genuine spiritual truths.

I promise: I’m not a hater. I’m just really, really concerned with people getting badly hurt by unhealthy practitioners, particularly those of the spiritual narcissist variety.

My top recommendation to not get lost along the way?

Chop wood and carry water.

Said another way? Get back to f*cking basics. Cook yourself dinner. Walk your own dog and pick up their poop. Donate your time and skills to be of service to others— trust me when I tell you that one evening volunteering at a food bank will yank your head out of your ass really, really quickly;)

Be grateful for what you can in the life you have right now. You may have challenges or struggles or points of genuine suffering, but that’s not the whole picture. Things do get better, and a legitimate, grounded spiritual practice can really help soften that hard edges of reality in constructive and additive ways that don’t require you to play make believe.

Be discerning. Trust your gut. And say “no” whenever and wherever you feel like it.

And stop trying to ascend. You’re already divine just the way you are.

-Rachel