The fall equinox: Regaining balance in transition

Energy healing, flower essences, spirit guides, and the ancient feminine

Something is shifting, isn’t it? If you tune in, I bet you can sense it- both within ourselves and outside in this crazy world. It’s a subtle but persistent unfurling of something long-neglected, both in the microcosm (us) and the macrocosm (existence).

But what is it?

I’ve been working on this conundrum in my private shamanic practice and my work with clients, and a very clear and consistent answer seems to be emerging: it’s the ancient feminine.

What does that mean? Well, a whole bunch of stuff, but here’s the executive summary: feminine energy is yin, it’s receptive, and it’s focused inwardly. Yin encourages us to slow the f*ck down, to be present and meditate, and to take care of ourselves, of each other, and the world. And it’s not all love and light- that’s toxic positivity propaganda!

The goddess is waking, and just in time. Her peak of power comes in the winter, contrary to what you may have heard on Instagram. And, as we hit today’s equinox, she makes herself more available to us than ever. She is inviting us into a mystical process of dark gestation: going inward, going dark, self-nourishing so that we can gestate the nest version of ourselves.

The fall equinox

September 21st-22nd is the fall equinox, the time when the length of the day and length of night become equal- a sign that a new season is rapidly approaching. The fall equinox marks the coming of winter, of longer nights and more darkness, and the time for us to slow down, recalibrate, and rest.

Mabon

In paganism- and witchcraft- September 21st-24th is also the holiday of Mabon, a ritual of thanksgiving for the fruits of the earth and a recognition of the need to share them to secure the blessings of the Goddess in the coming winter months.

It just so happens that a few “spontaneous” events happen to have emerged during this time, all of which correlate to the ancient feminine and transitions in energy, body, and spirit. As I’ve learned (the hard way) over the years, there’s no such thing as an accident when it comes to shamanism.

“Shaman” means “wounded healer”

As we hit the fall equinox, I find myself plunged into a very unique- and very shamanic- “illness”. Now, I’ve had a lot of painful and frightening (and unexplained) health issues- from kidney stones to TIA’s to losing my eyesight for a long while- so it’s worth noting that I’m not much of a baby about medical stuff at this point. But what’s happening inside of my body- and my energy field- is perhaps the most challenging experience I’ve faced to date.Long story short: I went off of the birth control pill. I know. It doesn’t sound like a big deal at all, does it? But I’ve been taking this medication every day for 23 years. And, as scientists and functional medicine experts are rapidly discovering, hormones are kind of everything: it rules over weight, mood, digestion, cognition, sleep, and basically the entire human experience.

So, I knew that I would have some interesting detox/ withdrawal symptoms as I stopped consuming the pill. I had read online about how our filter organs (kidney, liver, etc.) synthesize and store this synthetic form of estrogen long after we stop taking it. But, in a strange twist of fate, what I’ve been experiencing is orders of magnitude worse and more wild than anything I read about online.

The body keeps the score

The mood swings are bonkers, vacillating from bliss to downright depression and back again in a matter of seconds. I’ve had water weight swings of 10+ pounds throughout the day, so dramatic that I’ve noticed loose skin around my abdomen while taking a salt bath. The pain generally comes at night, hitting “random” body parts- like my ankles- and feeling like someone is tearing out my bone marrow. The nausea has woken me up out of a dead sleep, and I’ve spent more than a few evenings/ early mornings laying on the cool tiles of the bathroom, praying to just vomit and be done with the waves of physical repulsion. Every sense gets turned up to an 11 seemingly out of nowhere, causing me to throw out food that I had just prepared for myself.

Now, I’m not sharing my pity party with you for any reason other than to paint the picture of just how utterly unsustainable this stuff has been. I’m so used to pushing through illness and pain, not because I want to be tough but because I’m addicted to working. This shamanic illness has me utterly buggered, and I just can’t push at the moment. And it’s in this realization that lies the wisdom I’m supposed to be gaining.

I’m grateful that I “accidentally” started this process around the equinox. The cosmic reminder that it’s the season to slow down, sleep more, and retreat into the self and into the earth has helped me get out of my own, driven, type-A way. More than the discomfort, nausea and mood swings, I fucking HATE being inefficient. Because these symptoms come and go in unpredictable waves, I’m having trouble pushing through to do’s in my day, often feeling inadequate and unproductive and, frankly, like I’m failing. It stresses me out. Makes me feel weak. Makes me feel vulnerable. And these are not feelings I like.

Seasons

But then I remind myself that this is the season for precisely this kind of self-care. I remind myself that the timing is not a coincidence, and that I’m being supported. And I remind myself that, like winter, this too is not permanent. The seasons change. Our bodies change. Our energy bodies change. And our emotions come and go, like day and night, without changing the nature of the sky itself.

So, why does this matter? What’s the shamanic insight for you?

We are all going to have periods of ebb, some of which are instigated by the seasons, by our mortality, by the economy, or by other influences beyond our control. But we can control how we view and respond to these down cycles, particularly those demanding we embrace a more yin rhythm.

And there are gems in this process. While I may not be efficient or productive in externally-facing, yang activities (like work), I am being efficient in internally-facing, yin activities (like personal psychic work, lucid dreams, connection to totem animals, etc.). This particular medical issue stems from my sacral chakra, the seat of ancestry, magic, feminine power, the underworld, totem animals and much, much more, so I can’t think of a better time of the year to go within, go underground, and go dark.

Perhaps we can call this a retreat to move forward?

Detox and energy healing

Fair warning before I dig into my detox: it’s super easy to fall into orthorexia. Orthorexia is an unhealthy focus on eating in a healthy way. Orthorexia cases are exploding globally, thought to be the product of Instagram and Tik Tok influencers whose content is focused around juice cleanses, detoxing, and essentially constantly depriving themselves of solid foods. If you want to learn more about this harrowing trend, check out this hardcore episode of 60 Minutes Australia on the topic:

Constantly cleansing is TERRIBLE for you, both physically and energetically (not to mention psychologically). It can lead to you not even having the necessary stomach enzymes to ever digest solid food again- without, wait for it, a procedure that implants someone else’s feces in your digestive tract. So, consider yourselves warned😉

A spiritual fast?

All of that aside, I have started the master cleanse…very reluctantly. I didn’t start this process with the intention of doing a cleanse, as I wanted to be as gentle as possible with myself. But, within a week of this mishigas, I realized that the withdrawal symptoms (from synthetic estrogen) weren’t getting better. In fact, they were escalating. So, I decided to go full Winston Churchill and starve the beast by denying myself estrogen-producing stuff: sugar, carbohydrates, and alcohol.

I’m really glad that I scheduled a break given how totally utterly unpleasant I become when I don’t eat 7-8 meals a day. Yah, you read that right. I eat a LOT. And while I eat healthy, whole foods, I generally don’t deny myself much. On the rare occasions in which I couldn’t eat what I wanted when I wanted, there was generally an epic, systematic meltdown. I still owe the employees of the Air France lounge in the Charles de Gaulle airport an apology for the great, “ou est les oeufs (where are the eggs)?!?” debacle of 2019. Paris will never be the same.

Not eating all of this typical food ungrounds me. As a psychic, I’m barely ever here or in my body without the assistance of grounding foods and rituals. I’ve become reliant on food as a self-care tool while doing thousands of 1:1 psychic client sessions, and now I must relinquish this shortcut in the short term in order to achieve homeostasis in the long term.

What’s more: whenever I have eaten less in the past, usually as a result of an incredibly high spiritual vibration that makes food temporarily seem gross, I’ve gotten huge spiritual upgrades and downloads. I’ve read up on the subject and, while I never want to encourage that you stop eating food (which is, for all intents and purposes, my religion), it is a common experience for practitioners to receive major spiritual messages while fasting. Some believe this is a DNA reset, others think it helps maintain a high vibration. Whatever the mechanism, I’m using this as an excuse to embrace my cleanse as a spiritual upgrade- all while getting health and in balance.

Physical receiving: massage and cupping

I’ve also recently received some massage and cupping services locally here in Austin, TX. Usually, massage and cupping make me feel exhausted and I come home, take a salt bath, and hit the bed afterwards. This time, the cupping actually boosted my energy levels, an indicator of just how taxing the toxins in my system are at the moment. I came home and had a few hours of cleaning and organizing and working energy, which I took full advantage of (yes- I’m a psycho). Of course, there was a crash, but I plan to go back for cupping several more times during this time off from psychic work, pulling whatever poison I can out of my filter organs, muscles, fascia, glands, and other tissues.

If you’ve been looking for an accelerator for your own detox or seasonal reset, massage, cupping and acupuncture are ideal. As the client you’re in a receiving state, but the work does move stagnating chi or toxins through and out of your body. A receiving state is a great way to embrace yin energy during self-care, and what’s more: it works.

Energetic receiving: energy work

Long story short: the planned retreat from psychic work makes more sense with every day. Without doing 1:1 psychic client work, I don’t have to worry about my energy levels or vacillating mood, all of which are very heavily impacted by the energetic drain of psychic work. And, once again, I’m occupying the client chair to receive some much needed help from outside sources.

I reached out to Jennifer Eldon of JenniRose breathwork, and we’ve scheduled a remote healing session in the next week or so. Jennifer was one of my TOTEM Spiritual Transformation Coaching clients, and coming into contact with her work during our practice sessions left an indelible mark. I’m thrilled about our upcoming session, and hopeful that these ‘alternative’ modalities will give me some relief. And, if you want to get in touch with Jennifer about her breathwork and healing work, email me and I’ll connect you!

Flower essences

Thank God I can get high on my own supply of TOTEM Flower Essences, otherwise I would probably be in debt trying to collect every last little bit of this stuff out there in the marketplace. Yet another example of yin “medicine”, flower essences support our energy and physical bodies gently but imprinting the vibration of the plant medicine into our systems. We just take 1-3 drops on the tongue or in a glass of water, and we’re ready to receive the healing magic! And, while I can’t assert health claims about these little tinctures, they do include a bit of the plant material- and these plants, herbs and flowers do have proven health benefits:

Maiden, Mother, Crone- made of Evening Primrose

My primrose TOTEM Flower Essence is called Maiden, Mother, Crone in honor of the goddess Hecate, an ancient Germanic deity that governs transitions and crossroads. She is called the three-faced goddess (as she is depicted in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman on Netflix) and Maiden, Mother, Crone in various cultures.

We gave Hecate place of privilege in our TOTEM Tarot Deck, in place of a more traditional version of the Final Judgment card [check out details on this card and our deck HERE or go to purchase on Amazon HERE].

From a physical health perspective, evening primrose helps support hormonal balance in women and has been found to be effective at reducing menstrual cramping, bloat, water retention, breast tenderness and irritability due to hormonal shifts during a women's cycle. So, yah, I’ve been hitting this shit pretty hard a couple of times a day (more than the usual 1-3 drops a day on tongue/ in water that I generally recommend to clients).

Our TOTEM Flower Essence also supports the somatic and shamanic healing of painful early emotions from and with parents. It encourages emotional openness and the ability to commit in relationships, and it helps to integrate and balance our humanity and sexuality while undertaking psychic work. Maiden, Mother, Crone is ideal for any woman going through a life transition or undertaking psychic work, and clears and strengthens the sacral chakra.

Dead Grandma- made of Marigold

I just wrote about Dead Grandma- and how it’s helping to heal my “momma trauma”- in an article coming out in Best Holistic Life’s November issue (shout out to Jana and the Best Holistic Life Team). I’ll let you all know when the full article comes out, but here’s the short version: Dead Grandma helps us connect with ancestors and heal inherited trauma, otherwise called epigenetic trauma.

I named this flower essence after my grandmother, with whom I was incredibly close. Her birthday is in October, as is her favorite holiday- Halloween. It seems fitting to name this ancestral-themed essence after he and in the theme of the Day of the Dead, or All Saints Day in Catholicism.

Marigold offers several health benefits, including: reducing inflammation, healing contusions and bruises and easing sunburn, and is considered a “mover” when ingested, meaning it accelerates metabolism and digestion.

Not only has this essence been assisting me with “womb healing”- i.e. healing lady part business- but it connects us very deeply with our ancestors, particularly female ancestors from mom’s side of the family. Since taking it during my detox, my grandmother has been in my dreams every single night, and we’ve been having some deep conversations.

What’s more: I’ve actually had a dream in which I won an argument with an un-named female relative…that I won. Now, this isn’t so incredible at first glance, but to anyone that has lived with a narcissist you know that we can only win arguments with them in our dreams- and even then, it’s a rare blessing!

Lucid Dream- made of Mugwort

I figured that if I’m going to be sleeping September and October away, I might as well be present and aware in my dream state, ideally accessing insights and maybe even getting some work done on the astral plane.

That’s where Lucid Dream comes in, likely the other factor in my recent dreamtime therapy sessions with female relatives, alive and dead. Our Lucid Dream TOTEM Flower Essence facilitates lucid and precognitive dreaming, helps us obtain insights from dreamtime and from the astral realm. This flower essence is perfect for anyone that is having trouble sleeping, trouble dreaming, or difficulty in gaining an understanding from dream language and symbolism.

And, like the other flowers and herbs, Mugwort has health benefits that directly tie to my current condition, helping resolve digestive problems, irregular menstruation, and high blood pressure. It is also promoted as a sedative, laxative, and liver tonic, the last bit of which is important considering that synthetic estrogen is stored in my liver.

TOTEM Flower Essences

And, while I’m taking a break from 1:1 psychic client sessions, I am still doing TOTEM Flower Essence consultations. And, if you’ve already had a consultation, just reach out and we’ll work out what essences are best for you right now all quick-like. Email me to learn more, order and/or schedule a Flower Essence Consultation: rachel@totemreadings.com.

The ancient feminine

So, we’ve covered a lot…but what about spirit and the emergence of this ancient feminine? Well, an unusual spirit guide has emerged for me and many of my clients at this time: Mother Mary.

I started noticing different iterations of this archetype in client sessions: first, it was Mary Magdalene, then it was Our Lady of Fatima, then the Mother Mary, then Isis (the Egyptian version of this energy) and finally, Our Lady of Guadalupe showed herself to me, too. This was literally session after session, and each of these clients were being activated in very specific healing modalities.

Our Lady of Fatima

Jennifer was generous enough to share her experience with Our Lady of Fatima as a guide:

“When I had a reading with Rachel, Our Lady of Fatima came in as my guide.  She was telling me that I will be opening my own healing center with breathwork as well as utilizing crystal grids and holy water in my practice. The entire reading reiterated to me that I am a healer and to keep going with my breathwork practice.  However, the thought of going on Instagram terrifies me.  I have my website up, but I just can’t seem to pull the trigger to market myself on social media. 

Fast forward to two weeks later, I am in the Azores with my husband for a vacation.  Leading up to the trip, I had been feeling run down and my daily breathwork practice had been falling by the wayside.  As soon as I arrived, we took a walk in our neighborhood and sure enough, Mother Mary and Lady of Fatima images are surrounding me.  That cannot be a coincidence.  I decided it was time to jump in and do a long breathwork session.  It was truly one of the more powerful ones I have done in a very long time.  I had a huge amount of sadness and grief that I was moving through. 

At the end of the breathing session, there is a period of integration (like savasana in yoga) where you return to normal breathing and allow the body to process all the emotions you just released.  I have claircognizance in which I just intuitively know things.  It makes you feel crazy, like you are making things up, but you receive real downloads from Spirit.  During my integration, my heart was wide open, and I knew I was ready to let go of all the self-doubt, limitations, and fears I had about myself as a person and a healer.  During this time, I felt God’s presence and while I couldn’t see an image of him, I just intuitively knew he was there.  I let everything go and told him I am ready to release these burdens to him.  I then felt him touch my heart and I instantly started crying – not tears of sorrow but of true love.  Everything seemed to come full circle in that moment to me – Lady of Fatima and God affirming I am here to serve.  I have now decided that I am going to rip off the proverbial band-aid and come out of the spiritual closet so to speak.”

Whew. It’s a lot, and it’s real. We’ve created a private Slack page called “Hail Maries” to share our ongoing spiritual scavenger hunt. It seems like we’re seeing her everywhere- including recently in a tequila bar here in Austin.

Our Lady of Guadalupe…and Bear Medicine

For me, the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe looked comprised of flowers. I had a dream about it and, a week or so later, one of my current coaching clients- and very talented psychics, Loan- saw a rolodex of flowers in my energy field. Not shocking considering my work with TOTEM Flower Essences, but also deeper perhaps considering the transformation happening in my body at this time.

Then, today, as I sat here finishing up this Substack article, I realized I had a dream about a bear. I associate bear totem with deep, quantum healing- and “Momma Bear” energy. Then I started counting other bear pop ups throughout the last few days- in commercials and mentions in books and in other random places.

I then looked out my dining room window and saw something incredible: the shape of our Lady of Guadalupe, but with a bear head. Inside the bear were all manner of flora and fauna, bursting with life, and I’m still a bit stunned.

I guess the following days and weeks and with the help of our Hail Maries group, I’ll figure out the specifics. To date, the shamanic breadcrumbs indicate a deep, quantum healing.

And, after all, bears hibernate in the winter, don’t they?

I hope you all have a wonderful October, and stay tuned for more Substack content to come!

-Rachel