What lies beneath?
Cancer Full Moon Deep Dive
Yesterday marked the Winter Solstice and, today we’re under the energetic influence of a New Moon in Capricorn. We’ve all entered a powerful, metaphysical doorway between now and the Cancer Full Moon on January 6th, one in which the gates of cosmic perception are open, arming us with unprecedented access to our past lives, inner children, and shamanic soul parts.
It’s not overstating it to assert that this is the optimal moment to explore what lies beneath the surface of our reality, our consciousness, and our energy bodies.
Full Moon in Cancer
The sign of Cancer is ruled by the moon, so this first Full Moon of 2023 is going to be a supercharged lunar event for the ages. What’s more: Cancer is considered the “mother” of the zodiac, but I don’t think it’s about bringing in the typical, archetypal stereotype of our culture.
I’ve never actually met a fellow Cancer that loves romantic comedies. Based on my experience, we’re much more of a True Detective crowd;)
I think this Cancer Full Moon is more about the archetype of the Dark Mother, the one that dwells in the dark side of our lunar satellite. This Dark Mother governs that which we can’t normally see or access, including our cosmic origins and shadow aspects. Our Dark Mother is accessible to us now, and available to teach us how to self-mother our inner children, our past lives, and our soul parts in a transformative way.
This moment is where the shamanic rubber meets the road, making big spiritual work possible through the alignment of these precise celestial confluences. Consider your Akashic Records open and available. Consider your past selves are at the ready to share memories of pivotal moments. Consider your inner child to be nearby, eager to assist in your quantum healing. And, right now, your soul just might be ready to recollect and reintegrate lost or damaged bits of itself that split off during emotional, spiritual, and even physical traumas- whether experienced in this life, inherited epigenetically from our families, or from a previous life.
So, what does all of this mean in human-scaled terms? Why should we care?
If we can take advantage of this cosmic window of opportunity for our own radical healing, we’ll be moving mountains. We can close the loops that so often hold us in place, stuck, unable to move forward or evolve beyond our addictions and limitations.
Do you feel blocked from abundance? Are you plagued with the same, repeating patterns in romantic relationships? Do you consistently feel out of place, or unsatisfied with your life? Are you always struggling with the same issues, day after day, year after year, without the ability to unhook yourself from the loop?
We can make progress on these and other issues right now.
After all: what is possible when we’re not stuck in place, held hostage by the effects of trauma?
The answer? Everything.
A trip to the dark side (of the moon)
If we can get our own house in order, everything becomes possible. What’s more: we can start making a real difference in the world, too, when we’re not hemmed in by our own bullshit. And by “real difference”, I don’t mean selling coaching packages or dietary supplements or crappy retreats while ignoring our own advice (*ahem* this is directed at you, dear “spiritual community”).
This is a time for digging into the deeper layers of energetic fascia that connect and bind us to our previous selves, to each other, and often to unhealthy dynamics that manifest in our collective bondage. Now is the time to remove the scar tissue and bring parts of ourselves back online so that we can get back in the game at full strength.
This isn’t “lightwork”, whatever the f*ck that phrase even means. Rather, this is walking into the darkness to address things previously unseen or unacknowledged. Or, as David Goggins puts it:
“Most of us sweep our failures and evil secrets under the rug, but when we run into problems, that rug gets lifted up, and our darkness re-emerges, floods our soul, and influences the decisions which determine our character.”
But this Cancer Full Moon isn’t just about fixating on darkness or hardship. There is a silver lining: once we’ve done our work and we’re on the other side of these gates of perception, everything will be different. Self-limiting beliefs and old, Freudian patterns will be dissolved, freeing us to start really exercising true free will. We can convert the poison that had been plaguing us into a medicine that can heal us and, more importantly, help to heal others, too. This is a moment in which ancient, shamanic tools can empower us to leap frog the otherwise painful, slow process of integration.
What’s more: we do have proven resources to leverage on our journey into this portal. Tools to help us as we uncover what lies beneath and, more importantly, what to do with it. Others have gone before us, venturing through these gates of perception and returning to society with a powerful gift: a map of the spiritual borderlands.
The time is right. The stage is set. The players are all in position.
So, get your Bauhaus and Joy Division and Depeche Mode at the ready. Put on your black eyeliner. Light some incense.
And get ready to go digging on the dark side.
Energetic archeology
After working with thousands of clients for more than a decade, I’ve established a metaphor for this kind of work that helps me grasp some of the more esoteric concepts in a human-scaled, useful way.
I think of inner child, past life and soul part recollection work as a kind of energetic archeology. We set up a metaphorical dig site and methodically, intentionally dig into the deeper, darker layers of previous times, lives and civilizations in the energy body. The chakras help us map out this dig site, so that we can correlate various finds to their energetic purposes and potential sources of trauma. This digging, examining, sorting and organizing the relics you recover is the real nature of inner child work, which is horribly misunderstood by modern society. Every day I see some regressive, infantilized nonsense on Instagram about how some “influencer” is doing inner child work with an adult coloring book, skipping around at the park, or finger painting while holding a stuffed animal.
It's absurd and it’s infuriating.
What’s more: the platitude nonsense on social media translates into advice so irresponsible it verges on harmful, always seemingly recommending a form of spiritual bypassing, defined as: “a tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks".
Spiritual bypassing isn’t going to get you into the deeper layers, nor can it guide you safely through the dark side of this work. So, we dig in and go deep!
Starter list for energetic archeology
So, when you set up your own energetic archeology dig site, what do you need on hand? What do you need to do? Here’s a short starter list:
Set the clear intention to do inner child work, saying this out loud or perhaps even writing it down. I find that this is a particularly powerful thing do to on moon events, so plan on initiating this effort on either the New Moon in Capricorn (today) or upcoming Cancer Full Moon (on January 6th).
You must communicate to spirit and to your own energy body that you’re willing to take in whatever data emerges just as you would consider the significance of every remnant uncovered from an archeological dig. This can be written or verbal communication, but head’s up: simply thinking it inside your own head may not get you to the promised land.
Ensure that you have an appropriate support system if things get heavy. Do you have close friends, a partner, or maybe a therapist that you trust to help you if things get rocky? Also: make sure you’re in a space where you can set aside time to process, have emotional releases, and get all the way through the process without the disruption of invasive demands from work and family. I like to use this time of year for this inner child work as everyone seems to slow down, log off, and withdraw from the mania of work.
Let the fragments you uncover guide you, instead of forcing and fitting them into a previous narrative you’ve become attached to. Much of what is discovered on modern archeological dig sites is surprising and conflicts with what was previously “known” about history, effectively supplanting previous, erroneous frameworks with new, more accurate insights. Let the new data disrupt your previous viewpoint. Explore without attachment to outcome.
Arm yourself with the right performance-enhancing supplements. I have been taking a variety of new TOTEM Flower Essences designed to help me release heart chakra trauma (Thug Rose), recollect lost soul parts (Reclaim Yourself), and ignite the activity in the throat chakra (Outspoken), the official portal of inner child, mediumship and channeling work. I’ve also been relying on two herbal favorites from ancient Egypt: blue water lily and chamomile teas, both of which are said to aid in connection to past lives and previous civilizations. Most nights, I combine these supplements with the understanding that they will help me move through the veil that separates worlds.
Cut energetic cords with family members, friends, romantic exes, and anyone else whose energy may be influencing you. I’ve been working to cut cords with toxic family members, as well as the former friends or colleagues that mirror the same toxic dynamics I first experienced with these family members in childhood. I like to do this cord cutting ritual in a salt bath, with white candles, and ideally on a New Moon- which happens to be tonight! If you want to learn more about the specifics of a cord cutting ceremony, schedule a session to do one with me HERE. And consider taking Pink Yarrow Flower Essence from Flower Essence Services to ensure energy cords- and their energy vampires- don’t re-attach to you in the future!
Pull Tarot Cards to see what inner child, past life and shamanic soul part factors might be in play. A TOTEM Tarot Reading is really the best spiritual diagnostic you can give yourself, a bit like using ground-penetrating radar to look at a dig site before actually digging in. Check out my recent How to Read Tarot Cards #4 post here on Substack for details of my own tarot diagnostic- and the cards I pulled before a big and very unexpected Past Life reveal in dreamtime.
The hidden chamber
Now, I had only just checked off this starter list before I had probably the most profound spiritual experience of my life.
The best way to describe the experience might be this: I had just prepped and scanned my metaphorical archeological dig site, clearing my energy body and getting ready to start methodically and carefully peeling back the proverbial layers. And then, out of nowhere, I found myself falling into a deeper- and older- hidden chamber.
This hidden chamber, revealed in a dream, was a memory from my first past life. I’ve never experienced anything like it: a “real time”, 8.5 hour memory, played linearly and with all the dead air and gaps in action commonplace in waking reality. In other words: it wasn’t like a dream, and no one had edited it to be like an exciting movie.
It was truly, through and through, a roughly 8 hour memory from a past life.
And the archeology metaphor holds: coming out of this unexpected past life memory, I experienced the simultaneous exhilaration and arcane dread that the team that discovered King Tut’s tomb must have felt. I knew it was real, I knew it was game-changing, I knew it was old, and I knew it would upend my preconceived notions of myself, my inner child work, and….frankly speaking…the foundations of civilization and monotheistic religion.
Yah. It’s pretty intense.
So, what does this mean? Well, whether it’s a past life or your childhood from this life, it kind of doesn’t matter at a soul level. What does matter is the trauma experienced, its impact on our soul parts, and- most importantly of all- getting the noise of trauma out of the way so that we can get a clear picture of our truest self. Who was I before all of the experienced and inherited trauma and bullshit and accumulated detritus of lived human experience?
Yep. That’s the good stuff.
But it comes with a cost.
Once you get to the truest version of yourself at a soul level, you now have a responsibility to embody and live that truth. No more excuses. No more confusion. No barriers or adversaries or enemies or abusers to blame. It’s all you now, and with that freedom comes an incredible, radical accountability. So, there’s that, and that “that” is pretty hefty.
As for the “dream” itself, you might be wondering: how did I know it was a past life memory? Well, it fit into a collection of similar clues I had been recovering from my ongoing energetic archeology, effectively further reinforcing the belief that these were all items from the same time and place and pointed to the same narrative thread.
So, what does this archeological story say about me? I’m old. And I’ll leave it at that. I know of other practitioners that share their former identities and previous lives, usually spectacularizing themselves in the vein of a reincarnated Mary Magdalene, Cleopatra, or Marylin Monroe. This is usually attached to a grift, or cult of personality, or straight up CULT (all caps on purpose)….and that’s not really my jam.
Besides: my personal shamanic work is mine and mine alone, and yours will be yours and yours alone. And that’s part of the poignant beauty of doing this work: it’s not easily commoditized or converted into a product or social media post. It’s deeper, realer, and more meaningful than all of that- a welcome relief from the superficial, plastic nature of so much of our modern world.
It is in this intimate, personal space that shamanic work takes on value. You might be able to see the fruits of these labors across your professional, personal, or financial areas of your life…but the tree and its taproot are always deep, deep down in the darkness, a special place made just for you.
I would encourage any of you ready to take on a bit of this work to look at the aforementioned starter list, do your own ritual(s), and then wait for the magic to germinate.
But buyer beware: this shit has density to it. I’m still processing it. So, in the spirit of caring for your own inner child, please proceed slowly, intentionally and with caution. Get honest with yourself. Are you really ready? What if upends some of the core aspects of your life? What is your plan if it gets intense?
Maybe pull some tarot cards in a diagnostic to check in first. Always gauge how this work makes your body feel: are you anxious or upset? Or happy and calm? Our physical bodies are such great pendulums to use in our own self-care routine. And listening to these micro communications is a big part of caring for your inner child.
Nurture Your Inner Child
The biggest takeaway from this past life memory/ dream experience was quite unexpected: that my personality traits, core drives, and way of being in the world…are NOT the product of my abusive, dysfunctional childhood home. Rather, they’ve been with me since the very beginning, or- as I’ve been joking- “In a galaxy far, far away…”
I know. It’s hilarious. Apparently, all of “this” (gestures widely to self) is au naturale, baby!
This was such a sea change from the direction I thought things were going in that I had to throw out several pages of a previous version of this Substack! Hell, when new data comes in, it comes IN- and the pivot is part of the fun;)
And, in this way, my energetic archeology effort was a success. Did I skip over some inner child stuff? Maybe, but I was also able to remove some of the noise around lived traumatic experiences, getting closer and closer to the core essence of my soul, my life’s purpose, and what I’m here to do.
In this process, I had to take radical accountability for much of my personality quirks and propensities, a measurable shift from a life spent wondering what I would be like if it weren’t for my early traumas and family bullshit. And now I have a better line of sight into what kind of care my inner child actually needs, instead of a distorted preconception that hinges on a bit of bitterness and blame.
The moral of the story: when we initiate inner child work, anything (and everything) is possible.
Which is why I’m hosting our Nurture Your Inner Child Virtual Retreat the weekend of January 14th with four other, incredible practitioners to support this work across modality, geography and personality, reflecting the diversity of the attendees and the unique needs of their inner children.
In this immersive, experiential virtual retreat- spanning a few hours on Saturday (14th) and Sunday (15th)- we will tackle inner child, past life and soul part recollection work in a variety of ways:
Dr. Calista Lay DC, RMT, the owner of Revive Chiropractic in Chicago, will facilitate a remote TOTEM Tarot Deck card pull combined with remote reiki session, all focused on healing inner child wounds. Dr. Lay combines her technical, medical expertise with intuition (she is Reiki-certified) to tackle client care in an integrated, holistic way.
Summer Sanders, PT, DPT is the owner of Sabai Studio in Chicago. She is a certified meditation coach, certified reiki practitioner, and certified Feng Shui consultant, and she is going to bring all of this to bear for a Feng Shui “cleanse” of inner child wounds and trauma for attendees.
Kim Small is the owner of Estranged Life, a practice focused on helping others heal from family estrangement, particularly for people that find themselves “orphans” to living parents (like me). Kim will facilitate a session that provides participants with a blueprint for tangibly redefining and healing oneself after family trauma.
Britt Sandkulla-Sinclair, owner of Golden Thread Alchemy, is a certified integral coach that is going to facilitate a session focused on the alchemy and integration of the inner child to achieve creative inspiration and experience more joy. Britt is a super talented astrologer- I had the pleasure of getting a private session recently!
I’m going to facilitate a remote Shamanic Soul Part Recollection Journey, leveraging my certifications in mediumship, shamanism, reiki and more to help guide the participants to “call back” the damaged or dormant parts of themselves- usually traumatized in childhood or in past lives- to heal and reintegrate them into their energy bodies.
The timing is for this Virtual Retreat is perfect, and I’m personally getting super stoked for the gift bags. The other practitioners are already sending me their very generous gifts and offers, which I include in a lovely box that ships via UPS to your front door. I’m going to send all attendees a full-sized bottle of Inner Child Flower Essence, made of buoyant zinnia flower, and the other facilitators are including high-quality crystals and much, much more.
This two-day workshop has more than a $1,000 value per person, offering significant value for anyone looking to explore this healing work without a major commitment. And, if you use the promo code “TOTEM”, you’ll get $20 off registration.
Our Nurture Your Inner Child Virtual Retreat is ideal for anyone that:
Has come away from the winter holidays feeling re-traumatized and triggered by contact with family
Feels strange and isolated from the absence of estranged family members
Has never felt like they “belong” with their biological family
Has a hard time relaxing, playing, feeling joyful, and/or being present in the moment
Is still struggling with the traumas of childhood, perhaps manifesting in somatic symptoms, palpable grief, anxiety, and other issues
Doesn’t feel like they’re operating with only a percentage of their whole self
Wants to be more creative, assertive and expressive
I cannot believe how well-timed our upcoming Inner Child Virtual Retreat is. I had planned it for just after the holidays, assuming that time spent traveling and getting triggered by family members was the perfect time to recollect and recover ahead of the rest of the New Year. I hadn’t even considered this Solstice/ Capricorn New Moon/ Cancer Full Moon cosmic convergence, but I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, when we operate on intuition we tend to end up exactly where we belong.
Shamanic Soul Part Recollection
So, I’m sure you’re wondering: what the hell is a Shamanic Soul Part Recollection Journey? And why am I doing this during our Nurture Your Inner Child Retreat?
Simply put, a Shamanic Soul Part Recollection is a focused, guided meditation designed to bring our whole self online, healing and reintegrating damaged or dormant parts of our energy bodies. In the Virtual Retreat, I will be playing shamanic drumming music that stimulates a theta wave brain state, which induces a unique trance state called Shamanic State of Consciousness (SSC). I’ll also provide a minimal guided meditation to help participants identify, recollect and integrate their lost soul parts.
The basic premise of soul part recollection is rooted in the shamanic understanding of the energy body as being as complex and multidimensional as the physical body. Just as a doctor would perceive the physical body as a complex, interconnected system of cells, tissues, organs, and organ systems, the shaman sees the soul as being comprised of billions of interconnected energetic cells, tissues, organs and organ systems.
Minor soul part loss symptoms include consistent fatigue, insomnia, anxiety or stress, and generally feeling out of sync with others and/or with natural cycles (of the body, the seasons, day/ night, etc.)
Major soul part loss symptoms manifest as intense emotional pain, prolonged loneliness, and acute mental and physical health issues that can include depression and drug addiction, auto-immune issues, migraines, and much more.
Emotional trauma (break up, divorce, loss of a loved one and even a fight with a friend) and physical trauma (traumatic injury, illness or any form of surgery- even planned procedures) are the most frequent causes, but occasionally spiritual attack or connection to negative energy bodies can also damage or cleave off soul parts.
Occasionally, when one is anticipating a particularly difficult time, soul parts will go dormant as a means of protection until it is safe for them to emerge again. Smaller soul parts are connected with smaller traumas; larger soul parts are connected with larger traumas.
Many people will discover their lost soul parts in this kind of guided meditation- or later, in a dream- in the form of either a dog or horse.
The basic theory of this, explored by Sandra Ingermann in her book Singing the Soul Back Home, is that humans are kind of incapable of having compassion for ourselves. We’ve internalized so much lived and inherited trauma that our subconscious minds and energy bodies have to trick us into loving a piece of ourselves.
So, during a Shamanic Soul Part Recollection Journey- or in a dream, perhaps after a journey or intentional meditation- we’ll see our lost soul part as either a dog or a horse and feel compelled to show love, to help, and to care for a part of ourselves desperately in need of the attention.
Blueprint of Soul Part Recollection
The Soul Part Recollection Journey generally follows this key architecture:
The discovery of a sick, dead or slumbering animal, most commonly a horse or a dog. The general feeling when this animal is discovered is deep sadness, despair and disappointment. Some find themselves crying spontaneously or being overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotion. There is an urge to help the animal and reverse its condition.
There is an effort to identify the individual(s) responsible for this animal’s condition. You may notice that this injured, sleeping or seemingly deceased creature is located somewhere relevant, like a childhood home, an old school, the office, or your current neighborhood. Not only do the environmental cues tell us a bit about the cause, timing and other details of the soul part loss, but there is also a sense of “who did it”- whether it’s you (i.e. I forgot to feed it), a family member (i.e. my mother let the horse out in the cold) or similar. This is not meant to cause anger or trigger you to pursue action against anyone in your waking life, but is rather an indication of what may have injured you energetically. It can also indicate when and to whom we have given away our power, even if done willingly.
An authority figure emerges to assist. This could be a police officer or grandparent or spirit guide that shows up, reassures us, shows us that the creature has recovered, and acts as a conduit to return the soul part to our care. The theory is that our subconscious also knows that we look to authority to formalize big transactions, so it creates this symbolic language in the form of an authority figure for us to legitimize our recollection efforts.
And while we’ll go through all of this during our Nurture Your Inner Child Virtual Retreat Soul Part Recollection Journey, odds are that not everyone will experience a full reintegration during the meditation itself. Sometimes, it takes time. Sometimes, these experiences unfold in our sleep, as I recently experienced with my past life memory. But regardless of when or how it happens, what matters is that it happens.
And sometimes it’s as simple as setting an intention and investing just a bit of time and energy into it.
TOTEM Tarot Card: Lilith
This unique moment between today’s Capricorn New Moon and the January 6th Cancer Full Moon is designed to free us of bondage: emotional, energetic, psychological, financial and professional.
To help us with this comes our TOTEM Tarot Card: Lilith, our reimagined version of the classic High Priestess tarot card.
Lilith’s message is simple: “You are not a slave.”
Not to your past traumas or abusers or the systems of control and bondage that permeate the world.
In our TOTEM Tarot Deck, Lilith represents the Truth. And yes: in this case, the Truth really does set you free.
We have forgotten our origins. We have become ignorant to our own story. We have been disconnected from the full miracle of our existence. And we’ve been tricked into believing we are limited, frail and alone. But Lilith knows better, because Lilith remembers.
She remembers that humans are powerful. We are part spirit and part living flesh, a magical combination of game-changing software and hardware. In many ways, we are the single greatest technology ever created: a sentient, biological computer modelled after our Creator.
The first human, Lilith, reminds us of what we may have lost along this repetitive, cyclical journey of samsara: our inner child, our soul parts, our memory of our first self and first life.
When Lilith appears in a reading, it’s time to embrace the spiritual mysteries of our creation. This knowledge comes from esoteric studies, meditation, books and our dreams, but most of this insight is stored within our own DNA. Sit quietly with yourself, spend time in nature with animals, and keep a dream journal to capture insights.
Lilith ushers in a time when you’ll embrace quiet rebellion- you may walk away from the pervasively codependent society of social media and constant “connection” for a deeper, more meaningful, quiet connection. Like other powerful female figures in religious history, Lilith was demonized and marginalized; be prepared for your fellow humans to react strangely- and even negatively- to you as you recollect lost soul parts and get strong and whole.
Our TOTEM Tarot Deck image of Lilith captures the ancient, complete structure of our DNA. Like the snake, Lilith sheds old skins as she evolves but remains forever herself, unchanged. This image is primordial and futuristic, reflecting the tenacity of Lilith’s presence through the eons and across dimensions.
This is a great tarot card to leverage this coming month, and particularly around the Cancer Full Moon in January. Lilith is the ultimate Dark Mother, inextricably linked to the dark side of the moon and more than willing to support us in our energetic efforts at this time.
TOTEM Flower Essence
I’ve previously written about our Thug Rose and Reclaim Yourself TOTEM Flower Essences (see previous Substack posts), so I’ll focus on the new TOTEM Flower Essence I’ve been leveraging to assist me in my Inner Child and Past Life work: Outspoken.
Our Outspoken TOTEM Flower Essence is made of orange trumpet flower and is designed to energetically open your throat chakra so you can communicate openly, honestly, and without shame or guilt. Outspoken Flower Essence clears out any blockages or obstacles in the throat chakra to ensure you can articulate your needs, ultimately helping you have your needs met.
This is an excellent Flower Essence for anyone struggling with "using their words", asserting themselves, or standing up for themselves. What's more: the throat chakra governs the ability to channel psychic messages, so this Flower Essence is excellent for anyone pursuing psychic work, particularly: channeling, mediumship, automatic writing, Akashic Record Reading, Past Life Reading, and Soul Part Recollection.
What’s more: everyone I know that had significant childhood trauma has a banged up throat chakra. One of the first steps to healing and undertaking inner child work is to clear out the throat chakra and learn how to use words to assert our will in reality. It really is a self-care fundamental, and I can’t recommend Outspoken enough!
Cancer Full Moon Ritual: Past Life Tarot Reading
If you head over to our How to read Tarot Cards #3 Podcast here on Substack, we review how to undertake a Past Life TOTEM Tarot Reading using the TOTEM Tarot Deck.
It’s a perfect time to pull your cards and take a look at your previous lives and previous- or parallel- selves. Even though a Tarot Reading isn’t specifically considered to be energy work, take it from a pro: looking at the images, reflecting on their meaning, and simply connecting intentionally with your energy body can absolutely move chi and get things started.
I pulled my own tarot cards just before the past life memory/ dream I enumerated in this Substack, above, so it definitely does something.
Next up at TOTEM
This is a big holiday season, and I’m thrilled to spend some time sharing more insights into the world of tarot, shamanism, and much, much more. While we’ve made this Full Moon Deep Dive free for all subscribers, this is content typically reserved for paid subscribers, so please consider becoming a paid supporter of TOTEM. This will give you access to our monthly Full Moon TOTEM Tarot Readings that take a look at the month ahead, giving us all an energetic preview of what to expect.
Happy Solstice. Happy New Moon. Happy Christmas and Hanukkah and all of the holidays!
-Rachel