You are not your khakis

Spiritual Transformation Coaching and Business of Woo Mentoring Programs kicking off in May and June!

“You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis.” -Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Many years ago when I was a theoretically normal person with what was considered a normal job I would, from time to time, make the ill-informed decision to actually go into the office and engage in “small talk” with coworkers.

And I was always stunned to discover just how shallow the waters were.

Sure, there would be the odd outlier that had something off-script and interesting to say, and I am still friends with these individuals to this day. But the overwhelming experience was that of visiting some strange, adult Chuck E. Cheese: animatronic characters in matching Ann Taylor and Vineyard Vines costumes, repeating lines of dialogue about where they took their kids for a summer vacation and how they’re trying to eat less carbs, all while looking at you with blank, pitiless eyes from behind a giant rat mask.

It was weird.

Was there a factory that produced all of these people? Like those Mold-A-Rama figurines of animals that you can have made at the Brookfield Zoo? How much of this was a purposeful ingratiation strategy to be tucked safely into the herd? And how much of this was the sincere, accidental output of osmosis, shaping the individual over time to better reflect the empty properties of their environment?

Towards the end of my time in corporate, I never made it a full day in the office.

By about 2 or 3 PM CST, I was taking any calls I had from my phone as I walked the distance from Wacker Drive to the West Loop of Chicago, praying that, like Ichabod Crane before me, the act of crossing the bridge over the Chicago River would save me from the Headless Horseman.

I could, after all, do my work at home. Hell, I could do more of it more efficiently at home.

And, to be clear, I never felt like I was better than any of these people. In fact, for many, many years I would ruminate over the question of whether or not there was something wrong with me. I mean, why couldn’t I just smile while looking at a picture of a team member’s new baby? Enjoy the company golf outing? Genuinely care that I won that internal award? Meet up with coworkers to play darts or go bowling?

Was I antisocial or something? Did I have adult ADD? Was I depressed?

After all, everyone else seemed happy enough. Or, at the very least, satisfied with the ways things were. Was I complicating things that didn’t need to be complicated?

I would learn, through the course of my shamanic studies (and with some very expensive psychotherapy), that the reason this other, “normal” world didn’t resonate with me is because it was largely false.

Or, as Rick Rubin brilliantly put it in his book The Creative Act, it felt like, “a hallow rhyme in a greeting card.”

The inexplicable, visceral dread I felt while in these places was the byproduct of what shamanism calls Warrior Medicine: the psychic ability to quite literally sense (smell, see, hear, feel, taste) when something in the milk just wasn’t clean.

And boy, was it not clean.

Armed with my growing powers of intuition and perception, I would start to see those giant rat masks in the office slip: the case of the shakes at 1 PM in a conference room; the rumors of cocaine-fueled group sex during an industry conference; the revelation that a coworker’s spouse has lived in a separate house in a different town for the last 20 years, all while they attended events together like everything was just fine.

WTF? Is this what saying your lines while in costume got you? Was this the big prize for stifling your instincts to primal scream and run out, naked, into the woods? For being a very, very good boy or girl?

It was Henry David Thoreau who wrote: “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work.”

Over time, I would realize that this whole paradigm wasn’t just false. It was a cult.

From the outside, it was all shiny and new. It offered goodies and expense accounts and business trips. It promised marriages and families and houses at the end of cul-de-sacs in exchange for you modifying your behavior, your words, and even your thoughts. There was safety in numbers, and there was the reliability and consistency and job security everyone craved. After all, the cult looks out for its own. And, if you were smart, worked hard, and was a good team player, nothing could stop you from rising in the ranks.

Or, at least, that’s the sales pitch.

And hell, I bought it.

For all intents and purposes, I was in this cult for many years, finding myself concerned about why I wasn’t moving further up in the ranks or getting a new colored sash or merit badge from the dear leader— I mean, wasn’t I a good cult member?

For quite some time, I was under the impression that the cult offered me solutions to the poverty and instability of my early decades. And, in many ways, it did offer me these solutions— at least initially. For a time, it provided me money and structure and a kind of distant goal that served as a motivating, organizing principal to my life.

But then I started to see what it looked like when people achieved this “goal” at the highest levels: depression, anxiety, illness, alienation, resentment, divorce, debt, and loneliness.

I realized that this cult ate people alive, slowly, from the inside out.

And if that was the prize for winning the “game”, I didn’t want to play.

So I started to build the raft that would carry me away from the mouth of the Money Machine. I slowly packed my bug-out bag for that day when I would finally be brave enough to leave the cult— and enter the unknown.

This unknown became TOTEM Readings, my shamanic practice. And, in large part, I’m very much still in “recovery” from the indoctrination and self-limiting beliefs of the paradigm from the before times.

But, bit by bit, I am recovering: recovering who I am, what I came here to do, and what my inherent value is when I’m just being— and not doing for the benefit of someone or something else.

It’s awesome out here in the feral borderlands.

And I want to take more people with me.

The Money Machine

“And what does the money machine eat? It eats youth, spontaneity, life, beauty and above all it eats creativity. It eats quality and shits out quantity.” -William S. Burroughs

Now, I’m not a communist. In fact, I’m probably best described as an anarcho capitalist: a fan of free, voluntary markets in which we exchange goods or services of value. I think competition and meritocracy are inherently good things within reason— and assuming everyone is playing the game in good faith (i.e. not cheating or manipulating or exploiting).

But we don’t have a good faith, fair or transparent system of anything.

In fact, we are largely living in the ruins of corrupt, late-stage capitalism and empire. And I don’t mean this in an apocalyptic way: Great Britain was once an empire so large and expansive that the sun quite literally never set on it, and it didn’t collapse violently like Rome did.

It doesn’t always have to end with pagan hordes or The Purge, is all I’m saying.

Sometimes it just ends with a whimper, a severance check, and some boat shoes.

The “capitalism” we’re in now is, unfortunately, self-cannibalizing, and many still indoctrinated into the cult are desperately white-knuckling the increasingly volatile twists and turns, hoping they can just make it out the other side. You know. Be the last one standing in a game of middle manager dodge ball.

They just need to learn to code. Or how to work with AI. Or how to go viral.

Something. Some hat trick. Some certification or course or webinar will surely do it.

Right?

I would say “wrong”, and I think the data would agree with me. The rate of change and churn in the workforce, alongside mass layoffs and record high levels of credit card debt would all indicate that very few folks are beating the house in this particular casino.

I mean, the house isn’t even beating the house, with multiple, global companies defaulting on billion dollar debts, getting their credit ratings downgraded, losing class-action lawsuits and even going so far as to try to sell off vital service lines.

What’s most important in all of this is that what people exchange in their attempts to survive the Money Machine, even when it’s working properly: the very part of life that makes life worth living.

But there’s actually some good news as all of these cracks turn into craters.

People are waking up. They see the con, they know they’re not at the top of the pyramid scheme, and they want out. People want to pursue the big questions, embrace the big weird of life and be totally, fully themselves.

But many of the spiritually-awakening are scared. And I would be lying to you if I said their fears weren’t at least partially based in reality.

The cult didn’t build the world to support the people that wake up. In fact, it’s kind of built to hammer the awakening people into dust— unless, of course, they can connect to their life’s purpose and get really clear and real about how to make it a reality, even in these hostile conditions.

In other words: we need to use the test to take the test. We need to game the system that’s been gaming us, turning their dirty little tricks on their heads.

And we can do it. I’m doing it. You can do it, too.

But it’s just not going to happen in a weekend retreat. Or in a single session with a practitioner. Or if you buy a crystal, or take a few drops of a single flower essence.

This Woo stuff is a lifestyle. It is a way of thinking, of being, and of seeing the world.

And it changes everything.

A life in captivity?

“The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Now, I’m not suggesting anyone lose everything or aggressively pursue a rock bottom or become a full-time weirdo like me, but I am suggesting that there comes a moment in which we all question the “so what” beneath the stuff we’ve accumulated: our jobs, our homes, our furniture, our belief systems, and even some of our relationships.

This is typically the first spark of a spiritual awakening: when we’ve eaten our fill of the requisite “stuff” and still feel empty. Because, for all intents and purposes, we are empty— empty of real, existential and spiritual meaning and purpose.

This is where the TOTEM Spiritual Transformation Coaching Program comes in.

Simply put, Spiritual Transformation is waking up from a dream. It’s the moment you stop separating the big questions and spiritual curiosity from the rest of your life.

It’s a bell that can never be un-rung. A match that can never be un-struck. An awakening or an insight or an experience that can never been undone, and that reframes everything.

And it’s not for everyone.

Some people are happier, healthier and more steady in captivity. They’re not wired for a feral life in the deep waters of the Woo, and that’s more than okay. I was in captivity, at least partially, for almost four decades. I know that it has its benefits. But I sincerely believe the costs of captivity are really starting to outweigh the benefits now more than ever, and for those ready to take the plunge and go feral, I’ll be here ready to help.

The TOTEM Spiritual Transformation Coaching Program isn’t an accountability program or generic personal development experience. It’s not vision-boarding or the standard abundance mindset drivel. It’s not about blowing smoke or promising the impossible.

Rather, the TOTEM Spiritual Transformation Coaching Program is designed to plunge you would-be feral explorers into the deep end of the pool in an undeniable, totally tailored, immersive spiritual experience that asks the crucial questions:

• Why did you come here, to be a human having a human experience on planet earth?

• Why did your soul pick your particular human life, family of origin, interests, talents and profession?

• What soul contracts are you being encouraged to fulfill? Will these manifest as a Woo-based business of your own?

• What is your life’s purpose, and how can you align your whole life—including your work-- to this purpose?

• How can ancient spiritual traditions, practices and systems illuminate your unique experience, give you meaning, and guide you along the way?

Not all of the people that enter this program come out working psychics or Woo-based business owners, but many do. The real goal is to get clients really clear and really focused on their own spiritual belief system, empowering them to discover and build a relationship with their spirit guides, totem animals, psychic abilities, dominant chakras, natural talents, and life’s purpose.

From this point, everything else becomes much clearer and easier. There is no more disintegration or scattering or confusion. With this deeper, spiritual self-awareness comes tangible to do’s, not to mention inspiration and and organization for days.

I’m opening up two spots in May and two in June for those interested in the Spiritual Transformation Coaching Program, so reach out HERE ASAP to learn more with a free consultation— or check out the details and client testimonials HERE.

May a thousand flowers bloom

“We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Now, if you’re someone that has already transmuted and integrated your spiritual awakening, and know what your purpose is and how you want to achieve it but need some help with the business end of things, I’ve created the The Business of Woo Mentoring Program.

I’ve written about this new program on Substack HERE and have the details on my website HERE, so I’m not going to beat you over the head again with the same details.

But I think it is worth sharing the “why” behind this new offering. And it’s pretty weird for me to articulate, even at this stage of the game.

You see, what kept me “in” the cult of corporate captivity for so many years despite having a series of profound spiritual awakenings was fear around scarcity.

I grew up really poor and, despite persistent interventions from my maternal grandparents, I would often go hungry or neglected in the midst of family chaos. I witnessed a lot of severe domestic violence, the blowback from drug use, and the fallout that comes from being in proximity to acute mental illness.

So, when I got into a good university and got a full-time job to help me pay for school, I got the fuck out and never looked back. To me, working and making money served as my escape tunnel, and I developed a socially-reinforced genuine affection for working, getting promoted, and making money.

In other words: the cult was more than happy to have me.

And, while not all of that was bad, it was really hard to negotiate the gap between a spiritual awakening and being terrified of poverty and homelessness. I legitimately didn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to help, and without this theoretical safety net, it often seemed downright insane to consider leaving my job to become a full-time spiritual practitioner.

And, being totally honest, I also had some ego tied up in my previous professional life, having attained a certain level of objective success and the requisite job titles (and pay grade) that came along with it. I also understood the social stigma of being a “fortune teller”, and feared the judgements and side eyes that would come my way.

I mean, I had worked so hard for so long just to get “here”— why would I throw that all away and leave?

Well, because of the “so what”. I came into this human life for a reason, and I knew I wasn’t fulfilling it. Sure, I was operating TOTEM off the side of my desk, seeing clients and doing workshops on the weekends. But I wasn’t all in. I wasn’t even close. And that felt like a hedge between two diametrically opposed worlds— one foot in, one foot out, committed to neither.

And then I started to see cracks in the Money Machine. The industry, the job market, and the world was changing rapidly. Nothing felt reliable anymore— not even the old trusty cult! So, I did a series of rigorous thought exercises and realized that going full time with TOTEM was kind of my best option.

“Besides,” I told myself, “if it doesn’t work out I’ll just get a normal job again”.

In the four years since, I’ve destroyed my own myths and incinerated hundreds of limiting beliefs. And, while it was sometimes weird and hard, I’ve actually done the thing.

Now, there is no going back. There is no retreat or surrender. There is no hedging or balancing or excusing.

I’m all in all the time, and now there is only the beautiful mayhem of shamanism.

Before, I was convinced I would never make the money doing this that I made in corporate. In the last three years, I’ve undone that fear by making my exact same base salary as when I was the Senior Vice President of Global Strategy for Cushman & Wakefield.

Now, not all of that money is profit— and there have been substantial startup costs to things like the TOTEM Flower Essences and the TOTEM Tarot Deck— but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m making as much money as I did in my “safe” job before.

And it’s not just about the money.

When the only output for all of my input into the Money Machine was money, I did everything I could to convert that currency into the other things I wasn’t getting from my work: happiness, pleasure, and experiences. I would buy stuff, eat stuff, drink stuff, and travel to places where I would buy stuff, eat stuff and drink stuff.

Net/ net, the deal I have now with TOTEM is better. I spend less money. I buy less stuff. I consume less. I go slower and more intentionally in my day. I spend time outdoors and with my dog. I exercise. I meditate. I’m totally integrated and aligned, and I bring my whole self to every facet of my life without compromise or compartmentalization.

Also, I don’t have to look at pictures of strangers’ babies, or face the eyes behind the Chuck E. Cheese masks during small talk. So, there’s that.

The reality is, I’m constantly inspired and motivated, and everything I do here at TOTEM actually makes sense to me.

Besides, with The Business of Woo Mentoring Program, I get to help incubate and germinate and root incredible, disruptive ideas into the world— and help you lovely people make your spiritual “thing” an actual, bonafide reality.

Now, this Woo stuff isn’t easy work, and I’m literally the hardest, pushiest manager I’ve ever had.

To this end, a lot of this mentoring program will center on the basics of “chopping wood and carrying water” to methodically, sustainably build your Woo business one step at a time, from the basement to the attic. No quick fixes. No secret sauce. No cheat codes.

Just real deal, lived experience— and the lessons learned and best practices that come with it.

If you’re interested in learning more or signing up for the mentoring program, reach out ASAP to book a free consultation HERE. I’m opening up two spots in May and two in June for this program as well, and there are already people in the queue.

I’m thrilled to be using my once-evil powers for good, subverting the cult while building and offering alternatives made possible by your unique gifts and life purposes. I mean, I’ve got the schematics for the Death Star— we might as well use them, right?!?

To that end, I’m going to be publishing a few, special solo episodes of The Skeptical Shaman podcast in April all around the theme of the Business of Woo. I’ll be busting myths, laying out some details, and essentially giving anyone interested a peek into how I tackle the business end of TOTEM— and support my clients in doing the same.

The old world is dying. And, while we don’t have to throw out everything we learned, we do need to start building the new world with new perspectives and new behaviors.

So, as we proceed in this new paradigm, remember:

“You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis.”

-Rachel