New year, whole you.
The shamanic "science" of soul part recollection and inner child work.
With the New Year and everyone setting intentions and committing to resolutions comes a palpable focus on creating a "better you".
But what if it's not about betterment or self-improvement?
What if it's about becoming whole?
Calling the soul back home
In shamanism, we view the human soul the same way a medical doctor would see the human body: a complex system of cells, tissues and organs that work in concert to support healthy function. The parallel component parts that comprise our energy bodies are called soul parts in shamanic traditions.
Now, these soul parts get dinged up, damaged, and traumatized in the course of our lived experience. Sometimes, they go dormant, a kind of energetic version of psychological disassociation. And this damage to soul parts is what shamans view as the origin of all diseases, whether they be energetic, spiritual, emotional, psychological or physical.
These missing, damaged or dormant soul parts are what keep us from being whole, integrated, and operating at full capacity. So, in this way, shamans have always seen self-improvement as being about wholeness. And this approach empowers us to work smarter- and not harder.
In other words: all you need to do is come home to yourself.
From this point, everything else falls into place. And you discover that you don’t need to evolve or transform or sculpt yourself into anything but what you are. Instead, you just need to create a safe, supportive harbor for those little bits of yourself to come home.
And it looks like modern science is finally catching up to shamanism.
Trauma, Illness & Healing In A Toxic Culture
This Shamanic Soul Part view is now supported by clinical psychologist and childhood development expert Gabor Mate, whose book The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture explores the hard data demonstrating how emotional stress is a major cause of physical illness, from cancer to autoimmune conditions and many other chronic diseases. According to Dr. Mate, the brain and body systems that process emotions are intimately connected with the hormonal apparatus, the nervous system, and in particular the immune system.
How did Dr. Mate get to this conclusion? I mean, outside of metadata and research and doctor stuff?
Well, he became friends with some shamans and participated in an intensive ayahuasca ceremony. Despite being a clinical psychologist and world-leading expert in all things trauma, Gabor was taken aside by shamans at his own retreat- with his own patients- and put into a separate healing ceremony. Why, you ask? Well, according to Dr. Mate, it’s because he was a hot mess express and the shamans were worried his heavy energy was going to hold back the entire group.
An early childhood in Nazi-occupied Budapest will do that to you.
And yes, you read that right. Shamans interrupted a doctor’s retreat with his own patients to take him aside and check his ass. I mean, the real miracle here? A celebrated leader of western medicine surrendered to ancient, indigenous peoples and allowed their practices to help him call his soul back home. Check out the story on the Tim Ferris Show here:
Now, Dr. Mate used ayahuasca to undertake this intensive self-healing effort, but we really don’t need psychedelics to get there. Hell, you don’t even need his book (awesome as it is) to do this work. Rather, all we need is a bit of intention, a fucking awesome shamanic meditative technique, the bravery to face and nurture our inner child, and a supportive community that can hold us, energetically and spiritually, while we go into the deeper layers of shamanic healing.
Shamanic soul part recollection
The “fucking awesome shamanic meditative technique” I refer to above is called Shamanic Soul Part Recollection.
A Shamanic Soul Part Recollection is a focused, guided meditation designed to bring our whole self online, healing and reintegrating damaged or dormant parts of our energy bodies. As a shaman, I facilitate this work by playing shamanic drumming music, a very specific kind of monotonous beat that stimulates a theta wave brain state, which in turn induces a unique trance state called Shamanic State of Consciousness (SSC). I provide a light-touch, minimally-invasive guided meditation to help participants identify, recollect, and integrate their lost soul parts.
Pro tip: I do not undertake, recommend or support any form of hypnosis outside of the reach of board-certified and appropriately licensed medical professionals, so always keep an eye out for the words “hypnosis” and “neurolinguistic programming” when considering a workshop or retreat. It can get really dangerous, really fast (just ask the lovely kids that escaped NXIVM about it). To that end, I also don’t muck about while the client is in such a deep, meditative state. I keep my guided meditation to a minimum, and empower the client to do their own healing work.
The basic premise of soul part recollection is rooted in the shamanic understanding of the energy body as being as complex and multidimensional as the physical body. And, just as Dr. Mate has discovered, shamans have always known that the root of all ailments rests in soul part loss, which is created largely by childhood trauma:
Minor soul part loss symptoms include consistent fatigue, insomnia, anxiety or stress, and generally feeling out of sync with others and the natural cycles of the body, the seasons, day and night, and so on. Some report skin rashes in the chakra correlating to the original trauma. Others may unconsciously avoid situations that parallel those in which they were traumatized.
Major soul part loss symptoms manifest as intense emotional pain, prolonged psychological ailments, persistent loneliness, feelings of disconnection and disassociation, and even acute mental and physical health issues and diseases.
Emotional trauma and physical trauma are the most frequent causes of soul part loss. Break-ups, divorces, abrupt endings to friendships, getting ghosted and being cheated on are all emotional traumas that leave substantive soul part damage. Injuries that result from acts of violence, sexual assault, injury from natural phenomenon (like earthquakes, tornadoes and floods) or even accidents (like car crashes) can also manifest in soul part loss. Even planned surgical procedures can do damage.
Occasionally, when one is anticipating or actively navigating a particularly difficult time, soul parts will go dormant as a means of protection until it is safe for them to emerge again.
Why horses and dogs?
Perhaps the saddest and most poignant aspect of Soul Part Recollection work is the form our soul parts often choose to present themselves: in the form of either a dog or horse.
The basic theory of this, explored by Caitlin Matthews in her book Singing the Soul Back Home, is that humans are kind of incapable of having compassion for ourselves. We’ve internalized so much lived and inherited trauma that our subconscious minds and energy bodies have to trick us into loving a piece of ourselves, made possible by seeing this soul part as a sweet, soulful domestic animal.
Fuck. That’s really sad, isn't it? As a species, we collectively exhibit the same coping mechanisms and behaviors of abused children or cult members, internalizing our abuse and coming away from the experience believing we somehow deserve the mistreatment. What’s more: we literally need to trick ourselves into caring about ourselves, temporarily externalizing the traumatized bit of ourselves into the image of a beloved, soulful domestic pet.
I long for a future in which we can all transcend this dynamic but, in the interim, I understand that what matters is that this visualization works. And what really matters right now is that we heal, individually and collectively, so that we can level up in our healing and development.
Blueprint of Soul Part Recollection
The Soul Part Recollection Journey generally follows this key architecture:
The discovery of a sick, dead or slumbering animal, most commonly a horse or a dog. The general feeling when this animal is discovered is deep sadness, despair and disappointment. Some find themselves crying spontaneously or being overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotion. There is an urge to help the animal and reverse its condition.
There is an effort to identify the individual(s) responsible for this animal’s condition. You may notice that this injured, sleeping or seemingly deceased creature is located somewhere relevant, like a childhood home, an old school, the office, or your current neighborhood. Not only do the environmental cues tell us a bit about the cause, timing and other details of the soul part loss, but there is also a sense of “who did it”- whether it’s you (i.e. I forgot to feed it), a family member (i.e. my mother let the horse out in the cold) or similar. This is not meant to cause anger or trigger you to pursue action against anyone in your waking life, but is rather an indication of what may have injured you energetically. It can also indicate when and to whom we have given away our power, even if done willingly.
An authority figure emerges to assist. This could be a police officer or grandparent or spirit guide that shows up, reassures us, shows us that the creature has recovered, and acts as a conduit to return the soul part to our care. The theory is that our subconscious also knows that we look to authority to formalize big transactions, so it creates this symbolic language in the form of an authority figure for us to legitimize our recollection efforts.
And, while you can absolutely set the intention to do this work on your own in meditation or sleep, I invite all of you to join me the weekend of January 14th for a Virtual Retreat focused on this precise work with a multidisciplinary panel of practitioners across chiropractic medicine, Feng Shui, acupuncture, herbalism, energy healing, astrology, shamanism, reiki and much, much more!
I’ve personally experienced the potency of this work, and can tell you firsthand how it helped me move mountains in my healing and personal development.
“Is this your horse?”
Case in point: when I was first studying shamanism, I had a spontaneous Soul Part Recollection experience in a dream that was directly connected to childhood trauma and Inner Child work. The dream took place in the West Loop of Chicago, a neighborhood in which I had been living for years. In the dream, I was shocked to find a seemingly dead, beautiful white horse laying on the side of Randolph Street in the cold, snowy weather.
In the dream, I was overcome with emotion. I was crying uncontrollably, and probably feeling the deepest sadness I’ve ever experienced. I rushed up to the horse to see if I could help, and was approached by a police officer.
As I placed a bowl of drinking water down for the horse to drink, the officer asked me, “Is this your horse?” I replied, “No- it’s my mother’s, and I’ve repeatedly told you people that she cannot have animals. I mean, look at this horse! She doesn't take care of them and I always need to step in.”
Deep, isn’t it?
It was at this point in the dream that the horse was suddenly upright, seemingly alive and even thriving, and the officer then said, “Well, can you take this horse home with you and make sure it’s okay?”, to which I nodded my head affirmatively. I took the reigns and started walking my new, beautiful white horse home to my loft on West Washington Street.
When I woke, my face was covered in tears. I felt super weird, and noticed heightened senses and sensory awareness for days afterwards. This shift was so palpable that I still remember noticing the smell of flowers outside of my building for the first time despite them being there for years. It was as though more of me- from my nervous system to my skin to my senses- was online. It was weird, but it was also awesome.
In reflecting on the dream, I knew that I had recovered and integrated a major soul part, one that had been damaged by my mother’s negligence during my childhood. So, in this way, I had stumbled upon a big shamanic discovery: that Soul Part Recollection work will inevitably tie into our Inner Child work, enabling us to resolve traumas from our childhoods.
I’ve been digging into this experience, modality and more in preparation for the coming Cancer Full Moon (on January 6th) and our upcoming Nurture Your Inner Child Virtual Retreat the weekend of January 14th-15th.
Nurture Your Inner Child Virtual Retreat
I’m obsessed with our Virtual Retreat series, and think it combines the best of all worlds. Or, as one attendee wrote to me after our November event:
“Spending part of my weekend in the Reclaim Your Darkness workshop was one of the best investments I've made in my mental, emotional, and spiritual health this year. The practitioners Rachel assembled were the perfect ensemble for this theme. They created the reset and settling in needed as we head into our yang season of winter.
Being able to cocoon at home to participate in this virtual event created the perfect healing environment. Instead of having to travel, be out of sorts, on a yoga mat somewhere unknown we were in the most energetically safe space to truly go deep with the meditative practice and introspection this event encouraged.
Each of these practitioners alone brings value equivalent to the investment for the entire event. Each is a master of their craft, genuine, professional, and an authentic joy to learn from. Rachel takes great care in creating a space that is energetically safe, authentic, and introduces practitioners I will go to individually for support.
My spirit has been refreshed to the point where I feel like I went on a two week vacation having never left home. This session was a wonderful way to step into the space we so infrequently enter - outside of busyness and suspending ourselves in healing and investing in true self-care. The lasting impact has me reprioritizing my time, feeling calmer, homeostasis feels restored, and I have a feeling of walking in a core strength I have not felt for some time.
I will definitely be participating in the January and spring events. I see these sessions as a way to honor the important transitions of our seasons, the rhythms we need to be incorporating more into our lives. Thank you Rachel for bringing us together with such special people!”
An Inner Child-friendly format
To me, this format that we have created for the Virtual Retreats is the best of all worlds: I HATE leaving the house, traveling or commuting, and then being challenged to relax, surrender and do this kind of intensive energetic healing work around strangers. No offense. You all seem like nice people. But I’m just not that into full release and surrender in a public space, and a lot of my clients have communicated that they feel the same way;)
What’s more: it’s not a full-day commitment, but rather 4 hours a day (12-4 PM CST) on Saturday and Sunday, enabling me (and the other attendees and practitioners) to live normal life: walk the dog, fold laundry, eat and spend time with our families.
To protect everyone’s energy and privacy, we record NOTHING. If you join us, you do NOT have to be onscreen, and during our November Virtual Retreat several folks tapped out, taking breaks here and there, in order to process and integrate big experiences and shifts.
In other words: we’re not workshop Nazis. I really hate those people. So, if you join us, you can come and go and participate or not as you wish, a really empowering format that’s particularly ideal for nurturing your Inner Child.
And we scheduled this Virtual Retreat for a weekend just after the holidays to triage fresh or triggered trauma from time with family. I, for one, get very sad and weird around the holidays because I don’t talk to either of my parents. This, in turn, creates space between my siblings and extended family members and I, and it can be a real spiritual and emotional effort to not internalize this as rejection, as punishment for some crime I’ve committed, or otherwise beat myself up.
I know that I’m doing the right thing. I know that I’m the one that went to therapy, woke up, and did (and continue to do) my work to heal and create crucial boundaries. But knowing these things intellectually doesn’t spare us from the energetic bullshit of it all.
After all: if we’re feeling it, we might as well walk into it and do some more productive, healing work. Right?
Trusted practitioners
One of the leftovers of my particular childhood trauma is that I’m very sensitive to bullshit artists, narcissists and abusers, particularly if that abuse is emotional or financial. As a result, this Virtual Retreat series is also about me overcoming my intense distrust of others, ultimately including and featuring practitioners that I know are trustworthy people with authentic expertise and good intentions and motivations.
See: Inner Child work in action;)
There are good practitioners out there, so if I want to highlight that and push the assholes out of the market…well, it’s time for me to do something about it, isn’t it?
So, to this end, I’m going to be joined by four incredible practitioners across a variety of modalities for our Virtual Retreat, all focused around helping attendees address and heal Inner Child traumas and wounds. These are all people I know personally and with whom I’ve worked, both as a client and as the practitioner. And I’ve found a multidimensional benefit from each of them, often referring clients to them for specialized support:
Dr. Calista Lay DC, RMT is the owner of Revive Chiropractic in Chicago. Dr. Lay is going to combine her technical, medical expertise with intuition and energy work to facilitate a session combining the wisdom of the Tarot (using our TOTEM Tarot Deck) and remote Reiki to help you heal and integrate your inner child. Calista has done a similar session for me 1:1 in her Chicago space, remarking on the presence of my primary angelic guide, Gabriel. Gabriel looked out for me as a kid quite a bit, so I’m stoked about what may come up in this particular session via the Virtual Retreat.
Summer Sanders, PT, DPT is the owner of Sabai Studio in Chicago. She is a certified meditation coach, reiki practitioner, and Feng Shui consultant. Summer is also a TOTEM client, friend and collaborator, and I’m so excited for her session demonstrating how to use Feng Shui for a “cleanse” of inner child wounds and trauma, bolstering our sense of play and creativity. I love Feng Shui and think it can unlock so much for us beyond just our homes, and I think Summer’s warm, pragmatic, common sense approach is the best way to tackle this ancient esoteric tradition.
Kim Small is the creator of Estranged Life, a practice focused on healing from family estrangement, particularly for people that find themselves “orphans” to living parents- just like me. I met Kim as a client of TOTEM here in Austin, and instantly felt a bond of deep kinship as she shared a parallel experience of family estrangement to my own. Kim is embracing her own healing via sharing her insights with others, and is going to facilitate a session that provides participants with a blueprint for tangibly redefining and healing oneself after family trauma.
Britt Sandkulla-Sinclair, owner of Golden Thread Alchemy, is a certified integral coach that focuses on astrology, mindfulness and somatic practices to help people find their “magick”. Britt is a TOTEM client AND has become my personal astrologer, recently meeting with me to discuss my birth chart and what 2023 has to offer. She has a psychic eye and ear for elements of our astrology charts that relate to family dynamics, trauma, Inner Child work, and much, much more. She’s going to walk us through what she’s learned doing this work for clients, and I can’t wait.
The upshot?
I’ve been digging into this Soul Part Recollection and Inner Child work for the last few weeks…and the results have been stunning. Here are a few highlights:
Surfacing past life memories. I’ve been reliving past life memories in my dreams and meditations, gaining insights into my soul’s journey and purpose in this life. This has resulted in some radical self-acceptance, and a major focus on my life’s purpose. I dig into this experience in our Cancer Full Moon Deep Dive HERE.
Committing to self-care. I’ve scheduled a hormone panel to figure out the aftermath of coming off of birth control and to temporarily obtain hormone therapy, if necessary. I’ve also hired a personal trainer and signed up on a fitness app where I have to input my daily activity and meal details. This is very unlike me, and I hate programs or outsourcing my self-care, but I discovered in my Inner Child work that I need to receive more and allow others to support me. What’s more: I’m not trying to improve myself. Rather, I’m focused on returning to a previous, more whole state- all in keeping with our theme in this post!
Feeling more joyful, playful and free. My childhood was really, really heavy, and I had to basically function as a grown up way before it’s healthy. So, this work has helped me embrace having fun, being more playful, and embracing joy as my primary motivator for work. I’m sleeping better, feeling less anxious, and getting back into a crucial friendship with myself.
Friend and family discount for Nurture Your Inner Child
As lovely TOTEM Readings Substack subscribers, I want to share our promo code “TOTEM” if you register for this event HERE. And not only will you get this Inner Child sampler platter, but you’ll get a legit gift "bag" via UPS to all attendees, including a full-sized bottle of our TOTEM Inner Child Flower Essence, crystals, offers and much, much more!
The God-shaped hole
So, what should you take away from this whole post? Why would Soul Part Recollection and Inner Child work matter for you? What does all of this have to do with the New Year?
Well, have you ever heard the phrase, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything"?
Or perhaps Neil Gaiman’s version from American Gods, in which Mr. Wednesday (aka Odin) says:
“There’s always been a god-shaped hole in man’s head.”
If we don’t recollect, heal and integrate our lost soul parts or address our inner child wounds, we’re effectively leaving a vacancy in our energy bodies. And, if we don’t fill those vacancies with positive, productive elements, just about anything can meander and find its way in there. Without this kind of healing work, we are more vulnerable to nefarious influences, groups or dynamics, and we are more easily exploited and abused- often perpetuating the negative patterns established in our childhoods.
And, as we approach the New Year and set resolutions to “improve” ourselves, there is a legion of business interests, hoaxers and grifters hoping to cash in on our God-shaped hole. My inbox and physical mailbox have been FILLED with offers and promos from Sakara, Kachava, Peloton, Orange Theory and more…all prodding me to think I’m behind the game: fat, out of shape, old, unattractive, missing out, and much more.
Now, I took several sales training courses in my time corporate America, and they have a term for this stuff: it’s called “generating latent pain”. If they can poke at your latent pain, inner child wounds, and prod the holes and gaps in your energy body, they can convert it into MONEY. I repeat: this is a part of sales training in corporate circles. Really makes you reflect on what our economy is built on, doesn’t it?
In short, I think it’s built on: pain, trauma, fear, insecurity, loneliness, vulnerabilities and negative self-talk, promising you a better you…when, in reality, you’re just fine the way you are.
The only thing you need to do is call yourself back home. When that last soul part puzzle piece falls into place, you’ll see it. You’ll feel it. You will simply be, and that will be enough.
Happy New Year.
-Rachel