Never meet your heroes, kids.

It looks like I'll be making a new intro for The Skeptical Shaman podcast...

Oof. This is a tough one.

As many of you may know, I’ve been a big fan of Neil Gaiman’s body of literary work, including books like American Gods, The Sandman, and Norse Mythology. Hell, I even quote Neil Gaiman quoting St. Augustine in the intro to my podcast, The Skeptical Shaman!

And, well, it’s looking like I’m going to be working on a new show intro for the second half of the already-in-progress Season 7 of the podcast.

“Why?”, you might be wondering.

Well, you know. Because of *gestures around* ,“the usual”.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Two days ago, I learned that Neil Gaiman seems to be a prolific abuser of women, with a penchant for sexual and psychological sadism that parallels the machinations of many of the most pernicious and infamous cult leaders and “gurus”, including figures like Yogi Bhajan (who is featured in HBO’s documentary Breath of Fire) and Keith Raniere (who is featured in the HBO documentary series The Vow).

And, before I dig into his “alleged” cult-y, abusive, exploitative bullshit (all of which, for the record, he has adamantly denied via a spokesperson and public statement), please note: it’s going to take me more than a minute to turn around a new podcast intro— and the The Skeptical Shaman podcast team appreciates your understanding and patience as we make this update.

Ideally, we’d go back and re-edit the 10+ episodes I’ve already paid a lovely person to edit, format, and publish for the next several weeks…but I honestly don’t have that kind of “re-do” money or time, and I don’t want to ask this person to do it all again…for free. And, perhaps more importantly, I really just decided that I wasn’t going to disrupt a critical workstream for my business because Neil Gaiman is a piece of shit.

Allegedly.

A big factor in this decision is actually core to my own recovery from a history of narcissistic abuse, reflecting a primary energetic boundary best summed up as follows: it’s not my mess to clean up.

Rather, it’s always the narcissistic asshole’s mess to clean up.

Narcissistic abusers leave a tremendous impact crater in their wake, and it’s important for those of us that don’t know Neil personally— and had no awareness of what he was doing to women— to not take on his bullshit as our burden unnecessarily.

Besides: I trust my readers and listeners (that’s you guys) to understand that I am operating in good faith and will make the correction to the podcast intro as soon as I’m able, removing the quote attributed to him (in which he, in fact, is quoting a Catholic Saint) as soon as I’m reasonably able.

In the interim, you have my permission to skip over the podcast intro with abandon!

Whew. So now that we’ve gotten that housekeeping taken care of, let’s get into it.

Master: The Allegations Against Neil Gaiman Podcast

So, I found out about the allegations made about Neil because Spotify recommended a podcast about it to me about a week ago:

The algorithm’s suggestion is likely the result of the podcasts I’ve binged in the past— like that hosted by recent Skeptical Shaman podcast guest, Mark Vicente (who is a NXIVM survivor and whistleblower focused on raising awareness of narcissistic abuse).

And, even among my staring-into-hell podcast playlist theme, Master: The Allegations Against Neil Gaiman, is legitimately hard to get through. If you want to listen to it, please proceed with caution and take necessary breaks. If you’re a survivor of trauma— particularly of sexual or narcissistic abuse— please, please take care of yourself and do not feel the need to finish the whole damn thing.

It’s rough.

So, all that said, what’s the podcast about, exactly? Well, according to several women whose stories span decades, Neil’s “open marriage” to wife Amanda Palmer was really just a superficial, disarming cover story for an “alleged” pathological compulsion to be sexually aggressive and inappropriate with vulnerable women, including (but not limited to) specific claims of sexual assault.

Now, I’m not one to judge what happens in the privacy of someone’s home or relationship, nor do I have a Puritanical knee jerk issue with consenting adults being in an open marriage. But this podcast— and the recent New York Magazine expose digging into the same— make a convincing case that Neil is a high-IQ covert narcissist with a predilection for violent, not-really-consensual sex, often taking advantage of his position of power over fans and employees…to disastrous effect.

Like NXIVM cult leader Keith Raniere, it also seems that Neil Gaiman has an almost psychic ability to spot vulnerable women on which to prey: those that have previously been victims of sexual trauma, fans of his work that saw him as an almost godlike authority figure, and those that relied on him financially for work as a nanny or caretaker of the properties he owned.

Mark Vicente discussed just this very “talent” of narcissistic abusers to spot ideal victims in our recent interview for The Skeptical Shaman podcast:

So, if these fuckfaces are such masters of deception and manipulation, how can we possibly spot them? Well, according to Mark Vicente, you need to watch what they do— and not what they say:

This is doubly true for those that virtue signal on social media, performatively supporting various causes that make them seem like the good guy (or girl). Neil Gaiman assumed the posture of a progressive public feminist, supporting various LGBTQIA+ and womens’ rights charities and causes. This public persona, likely the carefully curated product of a strategically-weaponized psychological propaganda regime, couldn’t be more different from his private persona— and his actual behavior.

As someone that’s been studying spiritual narcissism and narcissistic abuse more broadly for many, many years— and interviewing survivors and whistleblowers on the podcast— this performative empathy has become my #1 red flag to keep an eye on.

My two cents? Don’t believe anything anyone says— or posts on Instagram or Facebook. Rather, watch their behaviors in real life, and listen to those that have interacted with them directly.

The Red Flags

There are a lot of other potential red flags to keep an eye out for when spiritually seeking, all of which we’ve dug into (in tremendous detail) in these other podcast episodes and Substack posts:

---

The Upshot

The big theme in all of this, at least for me, is the crucial importance of giving myself permission to change my mind. No one is perfect— or perfectly psychic, for that matter. I am human and I will, on occasion, get things wrong— or, perhaps, just not do a full year of hardcore private investigative work on every author, figure or group that’s in the periphery of my life.

But, when I do encounter an objective truth that clashes with my previous belief system or paradigm, I am obligated to let that new data in— and compelled to change my mind as necessary.

This coming Wood Snake Year is going to be filled with a lot of “mask off” moments, some of which will be harder and more emotionally draining than others. Clinging to old, outdated beliefs— or heroes, for that matter— will only serve to harm us in the months and years to come.

Said another way? If public (or private) figures you’ve respected and cherished let you down or tell on themselves, do not take it as a sign of personal failure.

And, for the love of God, whatever else you may do, do not do mental gymnastics to defend them or make their crimes “okay”. Their personal fuck ups are not going to erode entire social movements, nor are they reflections of you or your principles. You do not have to ever go down with that ship.

In this Wood Snake Year, give yourself permission to change your mind. Release. Surrender. Hell, re-record your podcast intro if you have to;)

Shit happens. People sometimes really, really suck. So, take a moment to mourn the false persona or body of work you’ve developed some affection for…and then let that shit go.

Happy (almost) Lunar New Year.

-Rachel